a rush and a push

have you ever seen the original solaris? it is really intense.
“i’m not hari!!!!!!” i am watching this and the remake tonite. taking a break from mixing.
in my living room i have a pile of 500 stuffed animals that i bought from a claw machine whole saler. (there is a photo of them as a pyramid on myspace.com/xiuxiuforlife)
the cat frequently jumps into whatever construction might be attempted so usually they are just scattered everywhere in a plush explosion of fixed eyed colors.
in my house also there are incredibly scary millipedes with terrible jointed long legs and long antenna. i hate them. they are living YUCKY and look like what satan would have as saliva.
the cat has gotten interested in killing them. i this. i like that she protects me as i protect her.
she however chased a really huge one into the frontier of 500 plush toys and dove in and out of it trying to skewer her prize.
it was as if she were some kind of kali on the cusp of heaven and hell. not caring nor understanding that she had dominion over light and dark, over all. she is the middle of her plush universe. at this second, her paw is holding down the king of the millipedes. i love her amidst both cute and evil, both white stuffing and green blood. perhaps it would be she who would be my hari sent to me by the sentient ocean of solaris.
earlier today i spent a couple of hours walking along the eno (yes the eno) river in my stupid town.
it feels like a fantasy. upon ones inevitable carving of a suicide note into the bark of tree, this might be the place for it.
have you listened to “your funeral my trial” (if you skip the carny) as of late. oh
oh
oh
to be literally moved to tears. music. oh really! yes! really! more than ever ever ever