Ixtab is the mayan goddess of suicide.

thank you and truest and happiest of holidays to you.

love, angela, bettina, devin, jamie and marc.

“For the second year in a row, more American soldiers—both enlisted men and women and veterans—committed suicide than were killed in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Excluding accidents and illness, 462 soldiers died in combat, while 468 committed suicide. A difference of six isn’t vast by any means, but the symbolism is significant and troubling. In 2009, there were 381 suicides by military personnel, a number that also exceeded the number of combat deaths.”

this is the most amazing part~

“If you think you know the one thing that causes people to commit suicide, please let us know,” Army Vice Chief of Staff General Peter Chiarelli told the Army Times, “because we don’t know what it is.”

does your mind go to

relief that kim jong il is dead?

terror that kim jong un is like 25 years old and reportedly even crazier and what he might do to “prove” himself?

or relief that he is essentially a boy and that he could be removed easily and replaced with someone reasonable outside of the kim dynasty?

concern for the uncertainty of the people of seoul?

happiness for the people of north korea and the glimmer of a chance that things will change for them?

worry that nuclear armageddon teeters over the most populated region of the earth?

hope that families separated by war, geo politics and the power mad might have a chance to be reunited?

wonder about the possibility of the north and south joining in peace again?

horror that war could be closer at hand than ever before?

empathy for both the phony and very real sadness that the people of north korea must pretend to and actually really do feel?

FABRIZIO

ROBI

HJAMIEGH
ANGELA

PAOLO

BUE

NURSE

i drove 4 hours to the outer banks, which is one of the beach sectors in north carolina, to go bird watching.

bird list~

numerous gulls

white pelican right next to whistling swan, foraging together (this was the highlight)

double crested cormorant

canada goose

snow goose (about 300 assembled by the road)

black duck

mallard

american widgeon

pintal (at least 1000 at an inlet)

shovelor

redhead duck

turkey vulture (love of my waning life)

sparrow hawk

cattle egret

common egret

louisiana  heron

great blue heron

white ibis

american avocet (WHICH SHOULD NOT BE HERE!!!! HOW DID IT GET HERE?!)

piping plover

black skimmer (!!!!)

white throated sparrow

mocking bird

this part was wonderful, esp. the pelicans and swans.

there was a dead jelly fish on the beach and totally flattened turtle on the road with its claws sticking out.

mosquitos thwarted further exploration.

anytime, of which, since i have traveled to kenya, guyana, india and moved to the FUCKING LAME ARSE carolinass, i have been beset upon by mosquitos, i have always viewed as some kind of failing of humanity, that we have done something awful to deserve them. it makes me feel disgusted and angry. (but i’m drunk)

in the midst of being enchanted by avian beauty, i spent the day swatting away the true death eaters  and being both elated and furious.

the back woods part of north carolina are terrifying. you never feel relaxed. you feel like something wants to kill you and in truth, between fucking KKK drones following you around at the gas station and the aforementioned malarial CIA drones even at the BEACH IN DECEMBER!?!?!?!?!, something does.

then i saw “the skin i live in” which was pointedly one of the most remarkably works of art of all time.

we talked on the phone. how did you get my number? who are you? you are nice.

today was very confusing and i felt like some kind of real living. this is stupid to say. oxoxooxoxoxooxox0xoxooxoxoxoox

Too Pouan Toy Tiemto