no one is there sex cam screen shots

hi. for the past several weeks i have been obsessed with live, for pay sex cam sites.  i tried a couple of times to look at them in a sexual way, pulling it and ichatting with the person on the screen. but i am a cheap skate and it gets expensive very quickly. not surprisingly it also gets depressing very quickly. the people working, while generally very nice, seem as well generally either bored, desperate, sad or pretending. how could one not?

certainly there must a lot of people for whom this line of work is fun but mostly its seems not so. the sexual element in a base animal way is still there but it became impossible to get into it when people’s true emotions were so plain.

the more i looked the more interesting it became in an aesthetic and sociological way. it became more a chance to look at how people were dressing, did they pretend to be happy and enthusiastic, did sometimes people actually seem to be really happy? and most of all what kind of space were they working in. people from every continent. you can even choose which.

the most amazing one i saw was, A SCHOOL CLASSROOM!!!!!!!!, with rows of desks in the background.

once there was a wide shot of a man’s living room and he was walking out his front door carrying 2 huge gallon jugs. he had a cat in the room and a disco ball in the back ground and the cat then jumped on the disco ball and knocked it over. all in real time, in what is supposed to be a paid sexual context. amazing moment in life. the man came back in the front door without the jugs, was again on screen, looked at the disco ball, sat down at the cam and cracked open a beer. there was a trumpet next to his desk.

however, in all of this seedy (or not) exploration, the most intriguing scenes where when a person was not there at all. they had stepping away from the camera for invisible reasons but the camera was still on showing where they worked. this might be the case with one out 100 people to choose from. there are rows of photos to click on and sometimes the photo is just the room. it seems like the cam refreshes the image one sees at random every few minutes and sometimes people have stepped away at that moment. frequently they have returned and you find them there even though their icon shows an empty room. it was like a treasure hunt to find who was really still gone and take a screen shot.

this whole world seems like it could be the greatest performance art space in human history. it is touching and honest and terrifying and stimulating and enlightening and filled with a dear and challenging sorrow and humor.